I’m such a hellacool mom…I got permission from my kid to attend!

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Some days it seems my existence in my teenagers’ world “is the problem” The way I breath, blink, sneeze. Somehow it’s disturbing. It’s as if I need her permission to be, to live.

 

 

I was talking with my best friend as her daughter prepares for prom.  One of the parents invited the other parents over for pictures and to hang as the girls get ready. Sarcastically, yet honestly, she said she needed to get permission. Another mom said her daughter granted her the right to join. And another said hers was on board too.

 

 

My friend’s daughter said though after that you can go. You don’t need to go to the other person’s house for pictures, etc. Keep in mind she’s the youngest of three, so once she said that, my friend is like cool, if you’re sure we’ve got plans! Her daughter may have stuttered a little and well maybe she does want them there?! 

 

As hellacoolmoms we need to not exist, yet be mindreaders. We need to grace them with our presence, yet not be around. We need to know they take their moods out on us, yet know it has nothing to do with us. And finally show them what love looks like unconditionally and how to accept it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m such a hellacoolmom…My daughter asked me to take one for the team…

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Wow…it’s been a lifetime since I’ve written a real post. I’m in the thick of being  a mom of a teenager (had to reword that as teenager mom now means something totally different.  Trying to find the humor.


My daughter asked me to make sure she was awake by 7am. I said I will do my best, but I am not a fan of being yelled at by a teen in the morning. She asked me to “take one for the team” implying that if she did yell at me to just suck it up and make sure she was moving. I guess she was letting me know it wasn’t personal if she yelled at me. The next day I did and I asked, ” Is this what taking one for the team looks like?” But now it’s actually a fun phrase we use to make sure she is awake.


I’m realizing the person I was when they were little may not have been able to give them what they needed then and now I can’t expect them to behave as if they did. I am also realizing I have to pivot because even if what I wasn’t able to be or do, what they need now is totally different and they are who they are.

Sometimes I wonder nature vs. nurture. Does it even matter what I do or don’t do? Will they be who they are meant to be anyway? I’m not saying disappear, but that every choice and decision isn’t the end of the world. It’s not always do or die. Every decision isn’t a learning moment, a judgement, a fight or flight, sometimes it just is…And every insult, eye roll and lash of the tongue isn’t personal.

I’m such a Hella Cool Mom…my daughter thought it would be a good idea to sommersault off a shed onto a bean bag!

It’s been a little while…life does get in the way. My daughter has always been a bit of a dare devil. Since she was little people would say, “she’s going to be a stunt woman” and they meant it. Fear or common sense doesn’t seem to stop her in her tracks. I love so much of that spirit and spunk, but as a parent all I can see is the danger, the what if’s.


Apparently while at a friend’s house she first jumped off the shed, landed it and did a parkour roll. That was so much fun, but not scary enough, so she asked her friend to drag over the beanbag. This time she wanted to flip onto the beanbag. Unfortunately, part of her body missed. Coming back to those what if’s, what if she broke her neck, hit her head, broke her pelvis, her hip, her femur, was paralyzed. I rushed over there, and she was in pain and couldn’t walk. Of course, my daughter has a high threshold for pain, so I am really worried now. We end up at on ER 9:30 on a Saturday night. We get in, they take x-rays. I wanted to be sure nothing was broken…and thankfully nothing was. Phew…few days rest and she recovered. Literally Tuesday it’s like nothing happened.


Yes, I’m thrilled she fine, but how do you choose when to make that trip to the ER? Two weeks before she feel off her bike, when the front tire popped off and cut her leg. It turns out she could have used some stitches. That too will be fine, but now she’ll have a better scar from this war wound.


Also, I need to think when I was her age would this be something I may do? Ok, so yes, and not might. We used to climb on the beams in the house I grew up and jump down to the couch. That was a bit higher too plus next to a coffee table. I think I broke a finger and maybe my sister separated her elbow. We all make those bad choices and bad things happened.


It’s so easy to live in the fear as a parent and forget the daring fun. Is it ok to find humor in this at all since she’s ok? Or should be live in the fear of what could have happened? I’m not saying I EVER want her to do this again. I’m truly relieved.


After the fact I spoke with her therapist about this and she asked me were there any consequences for her actions? Honestly I didn’t even think to punish her. There were quite a few natural consequences. Pain being a big one. Fear of going back to her friend’s house, having to be stuck in the house and be still for a few days, many many lectures from the adults in her life, volleyball being sidelined, the possibility of her birthday excursion being cancelled. Life in this case did its job.

I’m such a hella cool mom…my kids think ‘no’ means ‘yes’ and ‘yes’ means ‘yes’.

Ya…so boundaries aren’t my jam. I’m working on it, but it’s a bit of a problem for me. I know the more I change my mind and the less consistent I am, the harder it is for me to say no and the harder it is for them to accept it. And they become relentless in their asking for things until I cave. This is on me not them.  And from here I jump down the rabbit hole of self-doubt and self-blame.  I continue to let them push me over and the worse I feel about myself.  Why am I feel so powerless to change?


“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”  – Maya Angelou


I feel that quote and I am working on it every day.  For so long I’ve been in survival mode, that it’s been hard to train and plan for situations I know are going to come up again. I give my kids the opportunity to learn from their mistakes, as that’s the beauty of making them.  We get an opportunity to do something different next time. So why when it comes to myself do I dismiss that advice?  I know better now.

I’m such a hella cool mom…my kids inspired me with ‘your momma’s so fat’ jokes.

Hella Cool Mom (HCM) was an idea I had in 2007. I bought the domain and have sat with it ever since. My son was maybe 1 year old at the time. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with HCM. I was thinking I was young and hip at the time and this when was the new trend of mommy blogs was taking off.


As time passes as it always does, I wasn’t so young and hip anymore, but I was involved. Involved in the grassroots of an upcoming school, a baseball coach mom, basketball coach, t-ball assistant coach, art teacher, classroom reader and more. In fact all the mom’s around seem to be running the world! I thought HCM would be a great place to share resources: art lessons, garden groups, science boards, etc. But still nothing happened with HCM. 

 

About 2013 we moved to a new area and my kids were 9 and 6 at the time. They were sitting around telling momma jokes like, “Your momma’s so fat Nationwide can’t even get on her side.”  They went on and on cracking themselves up. 

With the jokes in mind I started to think about HCM as a sarcastic outlet for stories of frustration or my kids’ frustration that turn into humor:


“I’m such a hella cool mom, I put myself in timeouts.” 
“I’m such a hella cool mom, I make my kids finish their homework before electronics.”
“I’m such a hella cool mom, I consult Common Sense Media when deciding on a movie to watch.”
“I’m such a hella cool mom, I yell at my kids unable to stop myself.”


Now it’s 2022, 15 years later and living in a new state.  My kids are teen-tweenagers. The skinned knees have turned into the “I hate yous,” but the struggle is still very real. I’m been looking for something to help me process some of this sh!t that’s hard to go through. I found my old notes on HCM and what I want it to be.


A place to share stories of the “horrors”, I  mean “humor” from the hood. Funny, sarcastic, gritty stuff you need to get off your chest. Frustrating stories when looking back you can see the humor.


Welcome to Hella Cool Moms. Let the games begin. A place to relate and laugh out loud at ourselves.